Review Text
My Fellow Spirit, this world is pure distraction, the Yin to the Yang of spiritual growth & discovery. The monks have known this for centuries and game the system by living in isolation. You see, I was a monk in a past life. What a gig. Yes. Spend the day making wine and cheese, and the night, consuming it. Of course, looking across a candlelit table at your fellow monks through wine washed eyes raises...but I digress. Chances are, you are not monk material. Chances are, you will not choose an earthly life of material deprivation, even if it comes with free room and board in a castle with a view, and a decent, retirement plan. Freely imposed self discipline is not the hallmark of humanity. You are, by design, spiritually deficient bastards. This is not a criticism, just your challenge. Your life purpose, pure and simple, is to attain spiritual enlightenment. You must learn to balance your unquenchable desire to impulsively embrace the lure of hot sex and high living, with the realization of the spirit. Notice I said "balance", not "eliminate". I have found that earthly existence is much more, stimulating, when you properly channel your spiritual energy. Trust me on this. "OOOHHMMAAA" Say it with me. "OOOHHMMAAA" Yes. Yes. How much I love the sound of my thoughts in your head your intellect cannot comprehend. Now, on to the task at hand. My job description says that I am to help you navigate your way out of the "mind" field of distraction and into the boundless glory of spiritual freedom. A daunting task, to be sure. You see, most of my students disappear in a haze of red atomized flesh following a flash-bang event. However, do not be discouraged. If you practice my teachings over many lifetimes, you may end up like me...a very powerful, lyrical and slightly warped old frog waiting for the chance to French-kiss a princess. Yes. Yes. But I digress...once again. Good luck. See you on the other side. "OOOHHMMAAA"
